ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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