Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
did you just send me my own nude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
