We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
