oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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