once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
