Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
