At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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