He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
