the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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