I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize