I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
