if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
