So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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