i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pants are for mortals
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
