If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
