Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
