Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
