I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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