His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
