dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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