Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
