Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
