I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
