I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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