gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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