he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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