it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
