1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
