The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
