SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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