Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
