I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
