I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
