thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
