Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
