I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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