So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
