so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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