Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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