Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
