the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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