Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
