Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
