just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
