I faked an abortion last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
