I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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