Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
