no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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