I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
