i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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