I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
