Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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