I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
