I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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