well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
