There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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