It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
