Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
