I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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