The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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