you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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