Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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