I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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