Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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