carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
