The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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