I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
