its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
