wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
