I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
