Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
