I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
