Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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