I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
