so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
