I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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