If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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