Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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