Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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