did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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