this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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