i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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