Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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