So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
