please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
