remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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