yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
