No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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